I've Been Away for too long from HIM..

Im sitting alone and wondering.. Where am I? Where i've been?? I feel too far away frm God.. I know He is with me all the time.. I know He showering me with his Love... I know he feed my Soul with his blessing... But do I always be there for God?? What did my little hands have to offer for Him??

My Savoir is all I have in my life.. I looked up in the Bible.. I read all the sacrifice that Jesus Christ made for us.. & I wondering to myself... What did I do in Return?? Then it hits me.. God never ask any return frm us.. He just want us to Love Him as He Loves us.. He wanted to us to be A good Child of Christian just like our parents wanted us to be.. Am I a good Child?? I never can answer that question.. Its not my right to judge myself or condemn myself.. Its not my right to judge people and condemn them..

Myself , I know... I always been caught up by this world insanity but still He be there for me.. When I called His name, I know He reached into my heart and I hold that moment for some times.. But where did it goes?? Im holding it for too little time.. It keep makes me searching and yearning for some more.. But why do I did it slow?? Why so I always holding it back??

My time are wasted because I keep on asking and wondering..But I cant help it.. Maybe I cant change the world or myself in a minute...and same goes to the rest of us.. Maybe our heart still have an empty hole in it.. and we keep on wondering why this is happening...That what happen when we are too far away from God.. This is what happening to me.. Should I let it be this way?? No I wont... I wont let the time swollen me and took the rest what remaining in ME.. I stand for forgiveness..and that is just not enough.. I still have a long way to go to change my whole life and change myself to be a better person.. & no matter I change myself I know I never be great enough but when I change myself.. I know and I can feel the power of Love that have been sent frm above... That is all I need In this Life.. A new Me.. A blessing from God.. 

I've been to far away from God.. Yes I realized it.. The time makes me missing Him so much.. I kneel myself and close my eyes..opened up my heart.. Fill me Lord.. Fill my empty cup.. Teach me how to be a better child... Lead my way.. No matter what happen.. Just show me the way.. Cut the rope that been tighten me for too long.. Ive been in despair for such a long time..Bless me O Lord... Amen...

Friendship are the hardest relationship ever....

FRIENDSHIP..  are the most hardest relationship that i ever been through.. Without Friendship this world cannot go round as supposed it should be...Friends.. and each of them.. have a different attitude.. different feelings.. different thought..different mind approaching.. I can be angry and show it directly to my family or to my Love but I just cant do it in front of my friends..

Friendship.. keep on teaching me and showing the meaning of life.. the beauty of joy.. the sorrow of pain.. the laughter of a smile.. a word when it spoken...

Friendship.. can divided into many categories.. Girl friendship.. Guy Friendship.. Lust friendship.. Fashion Friendship.. Shopping Friendship ..False Friendship.. & so the list continued........  Whatever it is.. I called my friendship as a roller coaster Friendship...

Friendship.. sometimes.. we may have our own up & down memories.. but does it worth it to hurts one of each other?? Maybe we have to.. somehow somewhere.. The pain we have will teach us to be stronger.. to be bonds with each other.. to make us realize that we need each other.. My mouth maybe in silent.. but cant u hear me scream my dear friends.. I NEED YOU.. I LOVE YOU.. I LOVE ALL THE UP & DOWN MEMORIES.. talk with me.. Hug me.. Tease me.. Hold me.. Love me..

Friendship.. My eyes are dry.. but I shed a tears for you.. We may not agree with each other every time or on everything.. & yes.. we have arguing on some stuff but Trust me.. I didnt break a single pieces of love  that I share on you...

Friendship.. why do we keep on talking back of each other?? It is not because we wanna talk bad about each other.. Either we realize it or not.. we keep on doing it cause we didnt wan to break each other heart.. Being honesty its like the most scariest part ever.. We just have no guts to tell on each other faces saying 'U R WRONG!!! '.. & You know why?? because we to care of one another... But that how the relationship goes whether we like it or not.. Honesty is the best policy..

As I wrote this simple notes.. I can feel a single warm of tears & I started to smile.. Hey for what you wanna be so emo right now?? Yes.. maybe we have something going on right now but we never stop here.. We gonna be friends forever... As we walk & continue our love journey.. there will be lots of roads.. stones.. bumps that we have to cross.. but dont worry my dear friend.. take my hand... let go through it together.. Dont walk infront of me .I may not follow.. Dont walk behind me..I may not lead.. But please walk besides me.. Teach me how to be a better person.. Hold my hands & lets continues this journey together.....

 <3 A BEST FRIENDS IS LIKE A SISTER THAT DESTINY FORGOT TO GIVE YOU <3

I USED to Copycat HER..

When I was in the Middle High School, I had had bunch of BEST GIRL FRIENDS ..Well one of them name is FARLIN.. well..we kinda like twins..not like the identical twins.. well maybe cause we so so so into each other.. I guess ...Me and her cant separated even for one minutes.. except when the bells out and it is time to go back.. we never like the school dorm ( hostel ) anyway..Most the students said.. its haunted... @_@  yadaa yadda yaddaa...

So me and Farlin..well we kinda popular that time.. haha..funny but we were... :p ..She kinda well known amongs boys in our age..& me among our senior... U know.. how the things going on.. a cute junior with 17 years old girl's body..That is one stupid stuff... ok leave that..Well our senior always wanna tackle both of us but me & Farlin always make dumb and silly face towards them.. so they make up a bullsh** stories and spread the whole school ... & u know what it is.. Cindy & Farlin are lesbian.. lolz... haha.. just because we didnt gave a damn about them.. 

Despite all the good stuff happen between me and Farlin.. actually deep inside.. I always wanted to b like her..Pretty and smart girl... She always have the bright smile in her face and she is so girly.. like so lady-like.. compared to me.. I was the 'cute' Goth wannabe... Trying to be the skater girl.. trying to be the rock star.. haha.. 

She loves all the cute stuff.. I love all the black weird stuff.. She always tied her hair like the kawaaii japanese girls.. I always tied up my hair pony tail wif black ribbon. Her soft-ness make the boys love her so much.. Well my darkside eventually always attracts the guys.. ueeewwwwwwwww.... But although both of us have so much friends still I really dont like myself.. I dont know why am I gone wrong..Well yes.. I did change myself for my 1st crush but still im not happy for it maybe cause because im not being myself.. So I make a promise to myself..I will change myself like FARLIN.. so in the middle of the year.. maybe 2003 if im not mistaken.. I forced myself to like PINK.. not the artist.. color of cause..Tied my hair like silly with clips and cute ribbon.. wear baju kurung so I can look more 'ayu'... hahaha.. and change the way i talk .u know.. from normal to soft range.. & You know what.. I FEEL LIKE HELL!! gossh.. what a stupid decision.. 1st I try to change myself for a guy.. and then I try to change myself like my BFF (as you know Davien likes her alots).. well makes sense anyway... but it doesnt matter.. for the past 2 years.. Im living in a lie...

God make me this way.. God created me as wonderful as I can be.. SO what the hell am i trying to do?? I left so many things just because I pretend to be someone else..But it didnt bring me down.. because I know.. Who am I.. I know where I stand right now..It just a simple stories I wanna share with you..World will be not bright if u just not be urself :) ... People might not see your true beauty.. but U r perfect enough for me ..so Dont change urself for anyone.. do it for your own good... <3 u all...

ME & MY JOURNEY: My 1st CRUSH :D

ME & MY JOURNEY: My 1st CRUSH :D: "First CRUSH... Gosh.. Actually I never thought I will have any crush on anyone before but it happen but a long time ago.. I dont recall I ha..."

My 1st CRUSH :D

First CRUSH... Gosh.. Actually I never thought I will have any crush on anyone before but it happen but a long time ago.. I dont recall I have one now but suddenly It hits me.. What about him that was so SPECIAL until I can have a MAJOR CRUSH ON HIM!!!  of course this an BIG ISSUE.. well for me cause being a CONVENT GIRL for almost 6 years makes me allergic to boys.. like ok.. this is hard to believe right but yeah.. I do hates boys when I was in primary School...

My 1st Crush happen when I entered middle school at SMK LIKAS SABAH..There he was... looking so handsome and tall.. He has the charmed eyes that makes my heart beating like a drum.. For my 13 years entire life I never feel the way i felt when he gave me the 1st humble glanced :) ... But nah.. I just acted like watever... boys will be boys.. ewwwwwwwww!!! On the 1st day of school, i entered the class late so I have no choice but sat besides him. Then my classroom teacher called out each of our named for the attendance list.. "CINDY DEVIE"..and of cause each student have to raise up their hand if their name were called out... "DAVIEN JONES" .. and everybody in d class was suddenly screaming n yelling like a zoo!! 'PHEWWWIITTTTT!! " DEVIE & DAVIEN..What a GOOD COMBINATION!!! " .. Both of us was like GOSSHH!!! damn blushed!!! The worst part was It didnt stop there.. The whole class been teasing us for 3YEARS IN A ROW!! 

So two years have passed & now both of us reached 15 years old.. and of cause I have my own BFF :) .. Her name is Farlin.. We like twins.. like whenever I went..there she was :)... ( I will talk about her on my next post aite) ^_^ ...I heard that DAVIEN HAD A CRUSHED ON FARLIN!! gosh.. for the first time.. I think i had a broken hearted... like is this for real.. & I cried for the whole night.. Davien was my crushed for the past two years and He makes me feel so invisible.. All he saw was HER.. MY OWN BFF.. so I have to back off and let it go..But then Davien never told his feeling towards Farlin.. HE TOLD ME!!! can u believe it!! ME!! D GIRL WHO REALLY LIKES HIM FOR 3 YEARS!!!! Well maybe God knows how broken hearted am I & How down am I.. Turns out Farlin couple with my NEIGHBOUR... His name is ANIS if im not mistaken..But the twist were.. Davien also couple with another GIRL!! from other school..SMK PEREMPUAN LIKAS and her name is EMILY...and HERE I GO AGAIN.. left alone and feeling invisible again.. 

The funny part and the things i will never forget was.. I try to be like his dream girls. so that DAVIEN can noticed me.. I've changed to be his dream girl.. ( Well i got the information form his pet sister).. hahahaha.. I cut my hair so SHORT from waist length..I try to listened and bought a bunched of ROCK MUSIC cds.. such as System of A Down..Linkin park.. Korn.. Puddle of Mudd and etc..... I changed my looked to be GOTHS... I learned how to play skate board.. ((but now im so not gud at it!!)).. I try to be a tomboy like his GIRLFRIEND EMILY.. but nothing happen.. YES.. he noticed ME.. but It never happen the fact ME & HIM should be together... But then my nightmare were over as I moved out to OTHER HIGH SCHOOL.. 

Year after years i realized that no matter how many times or how much u've changed for a guys.. It juz not worth it girl when he never loves you.. Try to be yourself.. Learn to love urself before you love other.. As for me.. i juz take my 1st crush as my 1st experience of being hurts.. being down.. and whats important was.. I learnt so many things in the whole processes of being me and my single step of being ME ^_^ ...

P/S : To Davien Jones.. Thankz for bringing out the best & the worst in ME ^_^ .. may your life journey will be so wonderful as mine :) .. Appreciate what life has given to you :) ... 

To my readers : IVE FOUND SOMEONE NEW ^_^ ... well behalf the process on this.. I have so many experience wanna share with you so stay wth my stories okies... cause the next post will be on MY1ST PUPPY LOVE... <3 U ALL... 

DEAREST TEACHERS :)

This is my friends who have been graduated & now continue their dreams for being a teacher... Congratz to both of them :) ... Cikgu Latif and Cikgu Shy ^_^ ...

My aunty also a teacher and i memang respect sgt dengan all the teachers.. Jadi cikgu nie memang mesti ada kesabaran yg sangat tinggi kerana kanak2 mudah emosi dan cepat terpengaruh dari persekitaran sekeliling mereka dan cikgu2 ini laa yg membentuk mereka dari kecil lagi..  memang parents pun bimbing kanak2 but ingat laa masa 8 jam kanak2 dan akal pelajaran minda mereka semuanya dibentuk dan diasah di sekolah..

Cikgu Latif & cikgu Shy nie masih baru lagi dengan pengalaman mendidik kanak2 kat sekolah tapi jasa mereka terus berkembang dari semasa ke semasa.. Adalah pernah cikgu latif nie bagitau yang dia pernah tak sengaja nya marah seorang murid nie.. Biasalah cikgu lelaki nie kesabaran dia tahap rendah sikit.. hehe.. jgn marah nyungnyung :P ... P/S Cikgu latif nie nama khas dia adalah cikgu PAPA BEAR ... nak tahu kenapa kena la tanya kat murid dia yg bernama HISUP.. So semenjak cikgu latif nie tengking salah satu ank murid dia.. budak tu pula yg jadi rapat dgn dia.. Sebab apa.. sebab cikgu Latif dah cuci kepala budak tu dgn clorox kot.. haha.. gurau je.. sebab tu laa kekuatan doa seorang cikgu utk anak murid.. ^_^

Kepada Cikgu Shy dan Cikgu Latif.. Congratz di ucap kan :) .. mengajar tu jgn laa garang sgt ek.. hehe.. si cikgu latif confirm garang :P ... hehe...

Post kali nie adalah khas tuk cikgu2.. Terima kasih cikgu....errr.. pls jgn comment pasal ejaan n tata bahasa saya k..hehehe...

" Teacher appreciation makes the world of education go around "

<3 Both of you... Shy & Papa Bear :)

A wonderful Morning / Pagi yang Indah

When we woke up this morning.. All our energy and our Mood will reflect our Day routine.. Percaya laa... Bila anda bangun dgn fikiran yg kusut maka seharian anda juga akan mengalami kekusutan.. its like.. the bad energy will absorbed all your good attention away.. cuba anda bangun dan berdoa seketika.. Just breath and thankz for d wonderful life u have although maybe you know somewhere will go wrong later :p .. kekekeke.. Tapi itu nanti kan..bukan sekarang...so START UR DAY WITH A GOOD ENERGY... MULAKAN HARI ANDA DENGAN KUASA FIKIRAN YG INDAH ^_^ ... 

Tapi saya belum tidur lagi semalaman.. I CANT SLEEP AT ALL.. so grumppy... oopsss.. positive energy plsss ^_^ ... so thats why i keep oh updating this blog because all my friends are sleeping.. dan blog nie saja jadi peneman konon laaa... so cari2 laa morning quotes & now im sharing with all of u :)

• The moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours.  No matter how weary or dreary you may feel, you possess the certainty that, during the day that lies before you, absolutely anything may happen.  And the fact that it practically always doesn't, matters not a jot.  The possibility is always there.  ~Monica Baldwin
• Lose an hour in the morning, and you will be all day hunting for it.  ~Richard Whately

HAVE A NICE DAY ^_^ <3

<3 u all

It's A LENT SEASON :)

It's A LENT SEASON & its 6.15am in d morning & Im still awake.. wondering what am i supposed to do.. i opened my laptop & continue playing games but then suddenly it hits me..Hey.. y am i still on diz games although im still not really know what is d real meaning of LENT.. so I search on the catholic online.. & here some info abt lent.. juz wanna share wif u guys ^_^

Lent is the Christian season of preparation before Easter. Ash Wednesday marks the 1st day of the start of the season of Lent :) which begin 40 days prior to Easter. Lent also is the time when many Christian prepare for Easter by obsrving a period of fasting, repentance, moderation & spiritual discipline. The purpose is to set aside time for reflection on Jesus Christ towards his suffering and his sacrifice, his life, death, burial & resurrection.

Our foreheads are marked with ashes to humble our hearts and reminds us that life passes away on Earth. We remember this when we are told "Remember, Man is dust, and unto dust you shall return".

• Prayer: More time given to prayer during Lent should draw us closer to the Lord. We might pray especially for the grace to live out our baptismal promises more fully. We might pray for the elect who will be baptized at Easter and support their conversion journey by our prayer. We might pray for all those who will celebrate the sacrament of reconciliation with us during Lent that they will be truly renewed in their baptismal commitment.
• Fasting: Fasting is one of the most ancient practices linked to Lent. In fact, the paschal fast predates Lent as we know it.Fasting is more than a means of developing self-control. It is often an aid to prayer, as the pangs of hunger remind us of our hunger for God. The first reading on the Friday after Ash Wednesday points out another important dimension
  of fasting. The prophet Isaiah insists that fasting without changing our behavior is not pleasing to God. "This, rather, is the fasting that I wish: releasing those bound unjustly, untying the thongs of the yoke; setting free the oppressed, breaking every yoke; sharing your bread with the hungry, sheltering the oppressed and the homeless; clothing the naked when you see them, and not turning your back on your own" (Is 58:6-7).
• Almsgiving: It should be obvious at this point that almsgiving, the third traditional pillar, is linked to our baptismal commitment in the same way. It is a sign of our care for those in need and an expression of our gratitude for all that God has given to us. Works of charity and the promotion of justice are integral elements of the Christian way of life we began when we were baptized.

HAVE A BLESSED LENT MONTHS MY DEAR FRIENDS & FAMILY... <3

A lil bit & much abt this Girl ^_^

well.. here i am.. :P .. as u know.. in my 1st blogged i did promise u'all a bit story of me aite.. So no 'shhheeeshhh' people!! :P ... hehe.. ok lets get serious.. like as if i do..

Why my name is Ciara Devie?? Its a combination CINDY + SARAH = CIARA.. sometimes im getting tired with people keep asking me..what should I call u?? well call me whatever you want & there they go.. calling me with ludacris named..  One of my famous name is PANDI!! in case u all wondering.. PANDI MEANS PIG in tamil.. kekeke.. but its ok.. I kinda like it.. so cute! ^_^ 

not like I loves all d cute thingy.. duh.. well maybe..urrmm..sumtimes :P

I really love to club ^_^ .. really.. but some people getting the weird stigma about clubbers.. Not all clubber are jerks or hanky panky or cheap.. We just like having fun.. Its not like we forgot what the real purpose in life.. we just wanna have fun peeps :) .. besides, I love to dance.. shaking some botaay.. making the grinding & so on.. i really wanna b a video vixen  @_@ .. I love to hangout with my BFF... we called ourself 308 girls ^_^ .. plus I really love my family.. so pls dont mess with my sisters :) ... If you do I will break ur bones... oppsy :P ...

Im originally born in SABAH.. "BULI BHA KALAU KO" .. My dad is an Indian & I got Kadazan blood from my mammy... well.. my granny said my ancestors were frm Hong kong so it makes me got a lil bit of chinese blood.. Mixed it together n there u got "KADCHINDIAN" ..I have two sisters well im d eldest.. me goin to be 23 on diz 17 oct ^_^ ...yadaa yadaa yadaa..  im still studying in MSU..(management & science Uni) >>im promoting my U :p.. hehe.. taking degree in Biomedical Science but i do love fashion so much!! n yes.. i love animals too especially DOGS ^_^ ... woof woof.. really miss my doggies TIGER , CUPID, JAYMIE, & Blackie.. well gonna post all abt my pets soon :P 

Im allergic to seafood so if u wanna kill me.. juz gimme prawn n crabz!! errkkk.... but i wont eat it.. hehe.. kinda love Chinese n western food...well my dad always mad at me because im not the spicy eater.. well hello.. im mixed with indian so of coz i need to eat the spicy food rite.. but nah.. im not good at it .. But im HOT!! :p.. hahaa... duh!! I dun take red meat.. well only poultry like chicken.. i really wanna b vegetarian one day.. :)

So thats it for now..we will continue on d next post.. but with a lil bit twist.. Im gonna 'rojak' my language with 'english, malay, kadazan & tamil ' ... Well dats wat I AM.. so get urself ur own dictionary.. haha.. nah.. u can ask me anyway :) ... well p/s ..pls do not comment on my grammar or my spelling.. i didnt give u any permission to do dat... hahahha.. well adios.. GOD BLESS U <3 ... LOVE YA ^_^

My 1st time using blog.. lolz...

URMMMM... hurrmmmm.. what do i have to write?? kekekekke.. well.. im so excited & duh.. im not d type who love to write but thankz to my friend.. FARREL.. i have d gut to make my own blog.. maybe my blog not so cute or havoc like the others but hey.. I need to write what I want right :) .. so fair enough.. I dont know if i have my own followers or not but well i dont really give a damn.. cause all i want is a blog that can let me free to write anything i want without checking my spelling or grammar ^_^ .... WELL ANYWAY.. WELCOME TO MY BLOG.. my next blog will be all about myself before we proceed to other stories.. :) .. ENJOY MATES :) LOVE YA <3